Idiot Blogger Compares “Nice Guys” To “Sociopaths”
I ran into another online knee-slapper today.
You can make the jump here.
The author of this blog is a fellow WordPress user. I use the word blog loosely because its more of a ragtag collection of baseless opinion. Thoughts that are rickety and hateful even by radical feminist’s standards.
Note: While editing my article I lost count of the number of times I had to change “her” or “she” to “him” and “he”. I don’t normally make gender pronoun errors so I have a deep suspicion that the author is a woman impersonating a man. I’m spiritually sensitive to such things.
In this post he spits a series of lines comparing sociopaths to the colloquially termed “nice guy”.
So are “nice guys” a bunch of sociopaths? Well, no. They may be egocentric – like the “nice guy” on Tumblr who compared his lack of dates to the Holocaust. They may lack empathy – like the “nice guy” Redditor who couldn’t feel sympathy for a female “friend” who had been raped. They may be manipulative – hoping that by being excessively “nice” and doing favors for women they will earn themselves some sex.
But they lack, among other things, the impulsiveness and routine deceitfulness that tend to characterize real sociopaths. Sociopaths can be deceptively charming, but very few people would ever describe them as nice. (Indeed, if anything, it’s pickup artists that act the most like real sociopaths; indeed, I’ve heard “game” described before, I think accurately, as an attempt to get guys to think and act more like charming, conscienceless sociopaths.)
So why do “nice guy” laments make them sound so much like sociopaths? I think their egocentricity and their almost total lack of empathy are key. “Nice guys” get crushes on a lot of girls and women, but these crushes often seem to have nothing to do with the objects of these intense feelings: the “nice guys” have whipped up a romantic and sexual drama in their own head, and simply projected it onto some convenient romantic object . The “nice guy” Redditor was once obsessed with his female “friend” – but when she was raped he did not react as a true friend would, with sympathy and sadness. He responded with a callous “she had it coming.”
Combine this lack of empathy with a sense of wounded entitlement – I DESERVE a cute girlfriend! – and you have a recipe for a pretty noxious stew.
“Nice guys” may not literally be sociopaths. But sometimes they think and act in some pretty sociopathic ways.
He back pedals on his stupidity often enough to render his article somewhat less ridiculous. But nothing can salvage this steaming pile of shit from being anything more than a vanity piece. A few paragraphs written, not with the purpose of winning any argument, but as a continuation of his attitude in regards to men and women. In short; a complete waste of kilobytes that could have been allocated for better, more thoughtful vernacular.
I am not judging his attitude or even bias(as annoying as I may find it. ) Your politics and your opinion are your own. They are…mm wonderful. What I am calling bullshit on, however, is his ignorance of the subject matter he chose to include in his article. The author may be a literary expert on feminism related topics (which I highly doubt); that’s fine, I’m not here to knock them on that. But his comparisons are childish. Even more so when you consider the girth of his fan base. If readers are willing to soak up this much ignorance in one sitting its a small wonder who our country is the way it is in regards to economy/education.
What really urks me, as per usual, are the comments made. a particularly educated fellow chose to shed some light and bring some sorely needed intelligence to the author’s flawed table……
Well, I think you are a bit off on this one.
Conflating “Nice Guys” with Sociopaths—I don’t know about that….
One of the often mentioned characteristics of sociopath’s is their “promiscuity”–usually a few lines after glib, superficially charming….
Isn’t one of the determining characteristics of “Nice Guys” their inability to get sex?
As far as Sociopathworld…. interesting site but I wouldn’t take things left by readers there super serious. There is a checklist by Dr. Robert Hare to measure sociopathy–wouldn’t just go by what someone seeking attention on the internet is saying to determine a diagnosis….
If you want to read some of the aftermath stories of those unfortunate enough to get involved with sociopath’s go to lovefraud.com…..
Anyways, this just seems to be one more example of your twisted worldview where you try to putt one group of people you don’t like next to another group generally reviled by society….
Interestingly enough, you called sociopathy a disorder, it is considered a pathology by some but there are those who think there are evolutionary benefits and it is another mode of being….
In the book On Killing, David Grossman postulated that sociopath’s make great soldiers during wartime as they have little reluctance to kill and don’t seem to suffer from PTSD or shellshock….
I have also heard people mention that (yes, I know he is a fictional character) Dr. House may be a sociopath but his lack of empathy allows him to see clearly and also bend rules and ethics to get things done-perhaps benevolent sociopathy…..
someone then goes on to respond ignorantly as possible…
Nice Guys(tm) are closeted sociopath. Real sociopath/psychopath (like Ted Bundy) are handsome guys that have no problems attracting victims – and that’s why they are promiscuous. Nice Guys(tm) have asperger or are social retard, they cannot attract anyone. But they have the same opinion about women that sociopath/psychopath have.
…offending at least one autistic person in the process
Woah, having Aspergers does not make one a Nice Guy (TM). And please don’t use the R word.
our original man of intelligence adds another response:
Aspergers is a totally different thing than sociopathy–and while we’re at it schizophrenia is another thing entirely……
Don’t conflate things that are separate…..
How do you “know” that a “Nice Guy” is a closeted sociopath? Did you run Dr. Hare’s checklist on him?
If you have a problem with someone’s attitude towards women, then, by all means address that–don’t make a “diagnosis” you are unqualified to make……
Just an observation, someone may watch a movie like “American Psycho,” do some basic reading after about three or four hours scouring the web then go to a site and “claim to be a sociopath.”
Just like someone can go to a PUA forum and “claim to sleep with a hundred women”–just throw in a few buzzwords like kino, sarging and cold approach then go on to write some bad erotica…….
and like clockwork manboobzs infantile army of readers swoop in for their intended kill
stonerwithaboner: Do you actually have something more constructive to say than, “dude, yer wrong… and sorta shallow…”
Because if you do, given the nature of the actual conversation that went on here, I can’t see it.
our ignorant reader continues his off brand stupidity:
I didn’t say that Aspergers are sociopath, I said that most Nice Guys(TM) have Asperger and therefore are not very handsome so they cannot be sociopath like Ted Bundy, they can only fantasize online about being sociopath.
More offended individuals with aspergers
I’m going to just say that while I stood quiet while we said narcissism, and sociopathy, Asperger’s is where I have to draw the line. This is, by far, the most popular internet armchair diagnosis. It is almost certainly inaccurate. Cite a serious claim that self identified NIce Guy status correlates to Asperger’s, or drop it. You don’t need a disorder to be an entitled douchebag, and no disorder is the most parsimonious case in general.
I… think that literally every part of this is wrong:
1) Most Nice Guys don’t have Asperger’s (and the reverse is true as well.)
2) Asperger’s has nothing to do with physical attractiveness…
3) …and neither does sociopathy.
4) Nice Guys/ guys with Asperger’s don’t all fantasize about being sociopaths.
Whew. That was some high-density clueless there.
Yeah, I’ve known tons of Aspies and they aren’t like that at all. It’s an insulting comparison.
here stoner with a boner heroically steps in for the aspies
y’know years ago I learned that there was a name for someone who enjoyed putting others down who had “social difficulties,” it was called BULLY…..
I guess you will have to call it “Bully TM” to make it kewlz on teh interwebz…….
Finally the author steps in and solidifies his position as the queen of backpedaling.
Stoner, did you actually read my post? I didn’t claim that “nice guys” are sociopaths; indeed I specifically said they weren’t. I noted that some specific things about a posting by a sociopath reminded me of things I’ve seen “nice guys” say. (And by “nice guys,” I’m referring to a specific sort of guy who thinks he’s nice, but really isn’t, in part because he seems to have no empathy for the women he fixates on.) I could explain more, or you could jsut go back and read what I actually wrote.
And I’m most definitely NOT mocking people with social difficulties for having social difficulties. I’ve had social difficulties; practically everyone I know has dealt with them. Including women, of course.
I am mocking (or at least criticizing) guys with social difficulties who turn around and blame women for it all, getting angry that women actually — gasp! — get to choose who they go out with. Or feeling sort of glad an old crush got raped because she “had it coming.”
If a guy has social difficulties, and instead of turning into a misogynist creep, actually develops empathy for others with the same difficulties, that’s fantastic. It’s the awkward dudes who turn into hateful misogynist creeps I’m not so fond of.
I did read your post.
I also read the post at Sociopathworld where many on the thread questioned whether the post was written by an actual sociopath or someone merely seeking attention. As I mentioned above, someone could easily claim to be a sociopath just as someone could easily go to a PUA forum and claim to have 100+ sex partners-doesn’t mean that either are authentic…..
“And I’m most definitely NOT mocking people with social difficulties for having social difficulties. I’ve had social difficulties; practically everyone I know has dealt with them. Including women, of course. ”
Maybe you didn’t specifically mock someone but No More Mr. Niceguy’s comments about Aspergers seemed to do so and there has been blowback in the thread–hence the bullying comment…..
“I am mocking (or at least criticizing) guys with social difficulties who turn around and blame women for it all, getting angry that women actually — gasp! — get to choose who they go out with. Or feeling sort of glad an old crush got raped because she “had it coming.”
Thanks for the clarification. I believe that you and Amanda Marcotte need to be much more clear when you describe “Nice Gus TM” as you may be trying to portray a “Shallow Hal” character and your readers, or at least I was seeing more of a “Forty Year Old Virgin” character. The view I get is that the “Forty Year Old Virgin” character doesn’t necessarily deserve tons of pity but it is extremely unfair to treat him with scorn…..
More stupidity by a random ninny
Jack: First of all, we can and do judge people based on what they do. And you did just that in your comment.
And second, a sociopath isn’t “everyone we don’t like”, it’s everyone who utterly lacks empathy and is so completely focused on his or her own needs, that he has nothing but contempt for the very idea that you shouldn’t, you know, gratuitously hurt other people. Self-described “nice guys” who whine about the unfairness of women actually having the power to refuse to have sex with them, and about women being ungrateful bitches who won’t spread their legs in exchange for not being called names, fit that profile to a t.
A nice touch
I know how much you, manboobz, and your feminist cohorts wish men you see as low status would just “know their place and stop being so uppity”, but they don’t. So DEAL WITH IT.
After much lurking and fuming I decided to add my own two cents:
I agree with stonerwithaboner completely. His replies were pretty generous and thoughtful. Not a lot of people would share their knowledge and “constructive” criticism to strangers especially on the comments section of a blog. He most definitely threw pearls before swine.
I am a girl, not that this should matter. But I’d like to add that to compare nice guys to sociopaths in any context, even in loose analogy, is pretty disingenuous. sociopaths are smooth and slick.
I know this, my brother is dating one. She will plot and scheme. No anxiety, No remorse, and most importantly, no stress. She has slept with numerous friends of mine including my guitarist who was also a sociopath. My bandmate was also a piece of work; a sociopath as well. He would pose as a music promoter and jack thousands of dollars from local rappers/ dubstep Dj’s and bands. He also sold a metric shiton of fake drugs to highschoolers.
Hate is not a lack of empathy. Don’t get me twisted. Hate may be a salient, albeit rotten, type of human bond, but its a connection none the less. Lack of empathy is apathy. Its an essentially blank slate, marred by instinct and periodic moments of wrath and boredom.
“Nice guys” live their lives in fear and insecurity. Any “boastfulness” they have or misogyny they spout are cries of a wounded and disgustingly pathetic animal. If nice guys really didn’t care, they’d be happy in their stress and care free mind. They do care, but they are so out of touch with reality and humanity that their souls have become rotten. Someone should put them out of their misery really.
Another thing that separates sociopaths with nice guys is a lack of fear.
Please don’t compare an injured rat to a snake.
Of course your loyal readers will probably try to bash this. You and(again your readers) may back pedal and say that you can brazenly compare two or three different demographics on the basis of their toxicity. But, you can’t just look at the results. Well…I suppose you don’t have to. But if you want to be enlightened about men and women and act as an authority on such subjects, you have the responsibility to understand the underlying concepts that motivate human beings rather than add your own form of poison.
A sociopath doesn’t whine. People whine when they don’t get what they want. Its pathetic and its hopeless. A winner can’t be a loser, at least not in this universe. Please try again. as a writer and an online personality I think you should make it your mission to sound logical in your articles while still remaining passionate.
You are passionate about your blog, i can see that. But their is more to crusades than passion. Which brings me to what vibe I am feeling the most.
you sound very well intentioned but misinformed. This is perfectly fine. But when you bash, or allow other people to bash, people more educated than you who are only trying to help you and your publication; its a bad look.